So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
