Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
