According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
