wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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