I am in a vortex of obligation.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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