Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
