Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
