He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
