So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if only i could text you this smell
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
