im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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