I need help removing her.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
