Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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