omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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