Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
