Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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