Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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