he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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