imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
