Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
