I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
