dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
