I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
