he was CRYING into my vagina
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
