you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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