dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
