I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
