____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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