I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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