bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
