I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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