My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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