Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
