Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
