I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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