I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
