So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
