he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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