I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
