It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
