Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
