yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
