She is in my trunk
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
