i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
