well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
