If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
