me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
