Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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