Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
