I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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