There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
