So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
